When 2008 comes...

The new year is about to begin and it's brought some ups and I have to say putting 07 behind me is going to be somewhat of a blessing. I am not entirely at ease with how I'm entering the new year but I'm sure that it will bring some resolutions to light that I have yet thought about. Witnessing a new year and being alive to draw precious breaths in my lungs is an incredibly exhilarating and I can't wait to see what's ahead of me.

-jaha Knight, poet

Is Being a Black Woman a Strength or a Weakness?

I was talking with a businessman on the phone today and I was inquiring about a service that they provide to a litany of other businesses. Of course the reason I called is because while doing my research I felt that this company was the best qualified to handle my business. During the course of our conversation I felt him tuning out and dismissing my qualifications and questions because he'd since went to the website and saw a set a chocolate faces peering at him with smiles and hope gleaming in our faces. I felt then that being black and being a woman was a weakness. Had he gone to the site and saw some other vision he may have been more apt to pay attention to what I had to say. As it were, he called Octavia and myself "sisters" and didn't mean it in the sister girl sense. Feeling more than a bit disrespected as I checked and corrected him, I wanted him to know that his inability to take me or our product seriously was an error on his part. This type of adversity only makes the black woman stronger. So, to the question, is it a strength or weakness to be a black woman? My answer is both a yes and a no....find out my reasoning on the show.

One of my top 3 confessions...

I have to say when I confessed on the show that I was molested, putting this out to the general public was a daunting experience. I think that as a sexual abuse victim so much of our ensuing sexual identity is wrapped up in the fact that we were abused. It's a hard thing to admit to yourself. I suppose that's also the reason that in the past I'd yo yo date and then go on a fasting diet of no relationships. This year of celibacy and abstaining from dating has been the most cathartic for me. I've stayed away from the issue of Crash Dating as it were and focused myself on more positive avenues. I'm growing more aware of myself and I'm listening to my inner voice of reason and common sense, which is something I think so many people should consider. Well, for more, you should tune into www.jacksonknightshow.com to find out about my musings.

xxxooo

jaha

How ya livin?

Cook-Clean-Teach-Plan-Always Plan-Sleep, 3 hours-Write-Blog-Design....and that was only last night. Am I living my best life? Maybe? Do I think it could be better? Definitely. This week we talk about the things that it'll take for both Octavia and I to live our best lives. I believe there's something to be said for positivity and the way you view your life, and I also believe there's something to be said for striving for more. Can we push ourselves into a place that would allow dissatisfied people to change the way they think and the way they strive towards more concentric goals? Join us as we discuss these issues on the Jackson Knight Show.

Driving Ms. Jaha

Ok, now I have a tad bit of narcolepsy...I don't do well driving long distances, which is why I always have someone go with me. I'm exhausted today. I drove TO Winnsboro yesterday and then back again. For absolutely No Purpose. When I got there, I was told, "Hey, you're too late, you might as well go back to Charleston". I was flabbergasted. Let me take you on a journey of my morning, shall I?

- Got up at 6am, after going to bed at 3am (because of course I had to watch "The Big Idea" with Donny Deutch, and I missed the 10pm episode) and I had to make lunch for my daughter.
- Got my daughter up and ready for school, and of course unless I pay for before-school care, she can't go until 8 am, so I fixed her breakfast and she got dressed. I dropped her off at 8am, promptly.
-I begin my drive to Winnsboro (and of course this is where I was SUPPOSED to be AT 8am). However, even the school I work at knows that I can not get there until I drop my daughter off at school so why in the world would the state dept require me to be on the other side of the earth at 8 am when I'm a single parent? So inconsiderate.

Now, I'm driving..and usually I make sure I go to the library and get a book on cd to keep me company on long drives because it gets me so involved, my brain stays active and I don't drop to sleep listening to good music while driving. However, I'd just worked until 9 pm on Wednesday night teaching a continuing education night class after having taught high school students for a full day. But, Thursday night I kinda went to bed as soon as my head could touch the pillow and I suffice it to say, I didn't get to go to the library. I couldn't go Tuesday because I had to take my daughter to gymnastics and on Mondays I am not going anywhere other than my house after I pick up my child. So now that I've built you a backwards time line you can easily understand why I didn't go to the libary, lol. Or are these all excuses? Because unlike most people I live VERY close to the library...but realistically my body wouldn't let me do it.

So back to Friday...I'm driving and I am encouraging myself to stay awake and singing with the music (I am def not a morning person) so right about now I'm disgusted with how happy I sound. I stopped off at the rest area to take a small nap because my body could not be fooled that it was evening or a time other than it was with the sun, so refreshed from being off duty for a night was shining so bright with joy. And why am I driving to Winnsboro anyway when there's a master teacher in Hanahan? Ugh. All these thoughts flash through my mind before sleep drizzles down until it is silent. I am in bliss, car still running, doors locked, in case some strange disturbed person walks up to my car acting crazy, I can drive away (yes I know, not really practical, but I've convinced myself that I can drive after just opening my eyes to a situation I won't understand bc I've been unconscious.) After about 10 minutes, the phone rings..yes I know it's inevitable. It's one of my friends and she says I just called her which I know isn't possible because I am not a phone person and she KNOWS I'd never call her this early. While we are talking I scrounge in my purse for some change so I can get something out of the snack machines at the rest area. So while she's warbling on and on about her impending engagement that night I'm braving the cold for a Snickers (the only chocolate I'd ever eat...well other than peanut M&Ms) and I get there the Snickers are $1.50! I'd rather go to the convenience store when I get gas...and THAT's saying something bc they are already outrageous with their prices...but you know, I've noticed that since gas is dang near $3/gallon, they are being much more generous with their grocery prices... I guess it all comes down to profit over greed...if their groceries were as high as the gas is becoming, I suppose that'd just be plain greedy.

Anywho, now that someone is keeping me company I can drive. I'm back on the road!! Ironically after about 15 minutes, she hangs up and I troll my cell for someone else to call that I know won't be rushing me off the phone bc they're at work...I call someone else and keep driving..got my gas and my candi and snacks and here I go again..After 1000 hours I finally get to Winnsboro and the guy I'm there to see is at lunch...lol I just can't win for losing..so I wait another 30 mins and when he gets there he tells me to go home...oh joy. Now Los from The Poetry Show is calling and asking if I'm going to perform tonight...um no, I'm tired..and I am still in Winnsboro. I got back home at 2pm. You don't even wanna know what I did when I got here...

Happy Thanksgiving...well day after since it's 12:35

Today was great. I got up at noon ...(now that was a feat because I declare someone was trying to get me up earlier) and honestly I don't know what I was doing until about one thirty...but we put out our yardsale signs and then wen't to the expansive Walton's place to get a few more supplies for our dinner. When we got back it was 3:30 and I didn't finish cooking until about six thirty. I think I made great time. Now I have to say that I am very um...NON domestic and don't get me wrong I am perfectly capable of throwing down in the kitchen and keeping a clean home BUT...I do not like housework...it's tedious and boring but a great necessity. My daughter and I cooked together and it was interesting, lol. I made shrimp fettucine, a 3lb turkey breast with cranberry sauce (of course), cornish hens, collard greens, red rice, and a cake. I even made my own icing and of course I put spirulina in the collards and baked flax seed into the cake....we ate so much I thought I was going to pop. My daughter was so drowsy she wanted to go to bed but we were on the run..had to go and see the fam. All my aunts were there complaining about each person's turkey being seasoned poorly or whatnot.. I love my family, they make me laugh like no one else can and you'd think they'd run out of jokes eventually but we don't..ever. I know we all have our issues and our foibles but we love each other and I'm very thankful for them.


So, Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Enjoy the day, and truly give thanks.

Creating Jackson Knight

Well we've decided to do it. After brainstorming on who I would ask to host a radio show with me, I came upon Octavia. She's perfect because we have a lot in common and always have somethiing to talk about when we meet. We almost always run out of time when we talk and have to head off to do something else in our lives, but that is what makes for great conversation. Not to mention for two people who didn't and in some respects don't really know each other, we really do talk like old friends every time we'd meet. I'm excited because we see a gap in the market for women with our intellect and our viewpoints and we can't wait till we get on the airwaves!!

Jackson Knight Show

Fake Friends...

Ok, so sometimes people are users. It happens, right? My "friend" that moved here to Charleston was one of those people. Turns out she wasn't the person I thought she was. You wouldn't believe what I spent my summer doing. Lord knows it wasn't worth it. But I learned a valuable life lesson and I won't be repeating that mistake again.

Ladies, another woman can not live in your house. Especially one with four children and your family is mixed into the nonsense. Especially not a woman who has three girls aged 4,6,8 that aren't potty trained and are living in your house. The ensuing fallout is just not worth it..trust!

Summer Time is here again!

This is the first time I've been off for an entire summer, and I have to say ...man are the other nine months of the year worth it to not have to wake up to the daily grind for three months! :) I'm so excited, lol. I'm getting projects done that I've had to put on the backburner in the midst of grading papers, creating powerpoints and going over assignments...sigh...dang it feels good.

I was thinking today as I put shears up to my windows...one of my neighbors strikes me as a pervert..I might want to pull the blinds down a bit more at night...I'd hate to have to go outside and rumble with the neighbor for peeking in my windows, lol.

My best friend just moved down here and I'm excited because she needed a change. At leat now if she falls on hard times she has some friends that would help her out. She came over a couple days ago with her kids and I have to say...she must have the patience of Job.

-jaha Knight, poet

Finding me again

I keep looking frantically, she must be around here somewhere! That beautiful, daring and slightly fearless woman that is willing to do what she feels needs to be done. Her ideas are too big to be in my purse. Her shoes are too smallhttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif to house such an imagination..

I keep seeing myself floating high above my real life and wondering where I'm going now. I know I'm taking the safest road for myself because I've taken too many risks and I'm doing it under the guise of what's best for my daughter. Isn't that a great thing? Aren't I being selfless? Look at how great a mother I'm being ...I'm being R-E-S-P-O-N-S-I-B-L-E... The reality is I'm selling myself short and not being the best that I can be bc I'm so busy trying to be someone I'm not. Now don't get me wrong, I'm responsible but I don't do day jobs. But here I am waking up at the crack of God's dawn ...dressing the part of staid day worker, and trudging off to a 9-5 that doesn't make me happy, comes with the strictest of restrictions and comes along with someone else's rules on how I should live my life and conduct myself. Ugh...

I don't know how people do this everyday. I'm trying it out for now with my eye on the long term benefits that I've staked out and in the hopes that I will make it to that deadline I have set without maiming, shooting or stabbing anyone.

-