Finding me again

I keep looking frantically, she must be around here somewhere! That beautiful, daring and slightly fearless woman that is willing to do what she feels needs to be done. Her ideas are too big to be in my purse. Her shoes are too smallhttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif to house such an imagination..

I keep seeing myself floating high above my real life and wondering where I'm going now. I know I'm taking the safest road for myself because I've taken too many risks and I'm doing it under the guise of what's best for my daughter. Isn't that a great thing? Aren't I being selfless? Look at how great a mother I'm being ...I'm being R-E-S-P-O-N-S-I-B-L-E... The reality is I'm selling myself short and not being the best that I can be bc I'm so busy trying to be someone I'm not. Now don't get me wrong, I'm responsible but I don't do day jobs. But here I am waking up at the crack of God's dawn ...dressing the part of staid day worker, and trudging off to a 9-5 that doesn't make me happy, comes with the strictest of restrictions and comes along with someone else's rules on how I should live my life and conduct myself. Ugh...

I don't know how people do this everyday. I'm trying it out for now with my eye on the long term benefits that I've staked out and in the hopes that I will make it to that deadline I have set without maiming, shooting or stabbing anyone.

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