Underneath it all, the book...part 1

This morning I awoke with his voice tickling my eardrums. "Wake up,Selah" he said with a smile. I loved the melody of my name rolling off of his tongue. It sounded like a volcano. Heat mixed with a myriad of colors, swirling and twisting on airwaves until they reached my ear where it would cool and blow across my body like ash. I could hear the joy in his recanting. It made me wonder if there was anything more perfect than me being the first thing on his mind. It started this way three months ago. He'd call me in the morning before we both rushed off to our busy days, talk about the things we had to do during the hours we weren't together. Each day we touched base three times to keep us sane. Jerrod was my touchstone. Connecting me to a world that knew nothing about me but was ready to trample me under it's hard and heavy boots.

I stay woke

Have you ever been involved with someone that absolutely drains you of your creativity, motivation and ambition? I have. It's a dark power that will wrap it's arms around you (bear hug like) and squeeze you until you pass out into a haze of quiet. In your stupor, you notice everything... slowly. Your mind doesn't function as swiftly because you're not aware that you're asleep.



I was listening to Erykah Badu's new cd, "New Amerykah" and I'm so impressed with the song, "Master Teacher" because it embodies all of what I've been feeling lately. I don't know anyone that can write a song about massive ignorance, wrap it in a melody and spit it out like a bird feeding it's chicks an evening feast.

Fortunately this song caught me and snapped me out of my stupored haze. I've had several epiphanys as a result. They are as follows:

There are too many people willing to sit on your dreams, crush your spirit and drag you down to their level.

Don't let them

You have to want something so badly for yourself that no obstacle stands in your way.

If an obstacle does appear, go over, around, through or set that bitch on fire.

Reach as many people as you can, touch lives and change something for someone with your choices.

Focus

Everything you wish is attainable. God has written it, it is so. Predestined greatness. You are a master teacher. Stay woke.

When 2008 comes...

The new year is about to begin and it's brought some ups and I have to say putting 07 behind me is going to be somewhat of a blessing. I am not entirely at ease with how I'm entering the new year but I'm sure that it will bring some resolutions to light that I have yet thought about. Witnessing a new year and being alive to draw precious breaths in my lungs is an incredibly exhilarating and I can't wait to see what's ahead of me.

-jaha Knight, poet

Finding me again

I keep looking frantically, she must be around here somewhere! That beautiful, daring and slightly fearless woman that is willing to do what she feels needs to be done. Her ideas are too big to be in my purse. Her shoes are too smallhttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif to house such an imagination..

I keep seeing myself floating high above my real life and wondering where I'm going now. I know I'm taking the safest road for myself because I've taken too many risks and I'm doing it under the guise of what's best for my daughter. Isn't that a great thing? Aren't I being selfless? Look at how great a mother I'm being ...I'm being R-E-S-P-O-N-S-I-B-L-E... The reality is I'm selling myself short and not being the best that I can be bc I'm so busy trying to be someone I'm not. Now don't get me wrong, I'm responsible but I don't do day jobs. But here I am waking up at the crack of God's dawn ...dressing the part of staid day worker, and trudging off to a 9-5 that doesn't make me happy, comes with the strictest of restrictions and comes along with someone else's rules on how I should live my life and conduct myself. Ugh...

I don't know how people do this everyday. I'm trying it out for now with my eye on the long term benefits that I've staked out and in the hopes that I will make it to that deadline I have set without maiming, shooting or stabbing anyone.

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